What we have here is a dilemma

Well there's even more to this than I thought. In the discussion accompanying Lesley's post, the threat of a fat body becomes looming spectre haunting beauteous slimz.  Pressing their conscience into giving up tha pity sex. We are this way due to being denied sex on account of our looks. Forever yearning for undeserved shags, craving the beauty that so rejects us.

Obeasty is modern mythology.

This seems to be personifying the unspoken distress of all the people out there having sex with those they no longer desire that way.

It's touched in the talk about faking orgasms. It cross ones mind. Often it's volunteered apropos of very little from some men as "We don't want to be forced to find fat people attractive."

The extent of this distress and the determined characterization of fat people as angling for pity sex- something many feel is burdensome to resist-speaks to a need to express upset, without facing implications.

So much for fatness being caused by people using food to block or blunt emotion. If that's the case, it's unnecessary effort. Good news for "binge eaters" and "food addicts". You don't have to "eat your emotions" anymore, just hide from them like everyone else! I wonder if I can patent that as a cure? I'm guessing at no.

The easy prevalence of this theme displays the underlying rules of sexual exchange, or "rape culture" as it's evasively termed. If any who are seen as radical try to take this on, they're labelled fanatics or feminazi's, such is the extent of reluctance.

Despite the above, I still couldn't believe people were framing this was men v women. That was stink bomb distraction of sex-positive-prude Rowan Pelling ed. of "The Decadent Handbook: for the modern libertine". Hiding her own attitudes behind those associated solely with men. 

When for many fat people, men have been the ones who let them know they were desirable. In some cases women taught them they weren't. The amount of fat people who've been used and abused by that belief. Degrading self worth can be the quickest route to being fodder for those on the look out for damage they can turn to their advantage.

It wouldn't have made any difference if the positions were swapped (I know). If it was a wife speaking of her husband. The issue is a person being turned into an adjunct of someone's, everyone's ideology. You know what feminists famously complain about.

Being defined solely in terms of other people's feelings, an object dancing to their tune. Without reference to their experience of themselves. Only concerned with how they must obey their honourable overlord/ess. Even expected to respond to questioning on why they want none of this. How can this feel like self ownership? Which if I'm right is a primary underpinning of agency. 

Exactly why is a partner suddenly turning into an obesity crusade drone supposed to be such a turn on for the fat person? You have both become mere servants of that. The one  who loves you and who you love suddenly is distanced from you because this is now more real to them than all that you've shared.

Who is this person? And who is it they wish to connect with anyway? You or their idea of you? I'm actually not saying that anyone shouldn't feel free to tell me they find my body off putting. I'm saying that changes my view of them too. Something crusaders don't get because this couldn't be articulated before. It was all pressed down, disassociation and added to the general sense of malaise many fat people feel.

Fat phobes need to realise their eyes of god pose is dead. There person involved, who is learning to value themselves more than the value accorded them by society. The one you're so lovingly trying to work. Like someone in a mixed relationship explaining that according to white supremacy, you aren't shit.

Sorry, love! I'm "hardwired" to use every advantage for my own person gain. Isn't that kind of red in tooth and claw sexy for you?

The pointed reference to the way thin privilege is seen as having shut down reasonable debate is worth a mention. i.e. "Isn't there one place left where we can tell the truth?"

Don't think I'm judging slimz. Fat people are apparently the last place for the "truth" and look at all it's brought; huge scientific advance, greater humanism, penetrating sociology and a widespread increase in the depth of understanding about human biology, amirite?  

Are fat women really supposed to say, boo when slim women autonomy is held to be porous? But tally ho if it's their own? Because we sort of aren't women? That was about the last straw for me and feminists not something as (relatively) trivial as fat phobia.

Whatever fails, I at least expect them to manage to be in favour of the liberation of women. Sometimes it's not women who reject feminists, but they who withdraw from women. If fatness means feminism doesn't work, then acknowledge it and modify theory accordingly. That's how feminism, happens.

Nor is fatness like personal hygiene, grooming, having a certain kind of haircut, freely scratching your pubes. Each one of those behaviours is the direct cause and cure of themselves. So, if you stop washing yourself- you are unwashed. Washing yourself, causes you to be washed, I can't make it much simpler. 

The equivalent in terms of fatness would the capacity to direct fat or not fat. Instead, in order to cease fatting, you're required to reduce your intake of food and increase expenditure of energy, both are indirect actions, that are supposed to lead to lowered and indefinitely maintained weight.

A habit of dressing in formal attire does not battle your inbuilt instinct for survival, both of those do. One directly, the other less so.

As for the 'self care'/health angle;

Since your spouse protests she 'likes being curvy', I would concentrate on the health issues at stake. 

 Subtle.

Why don't you tell her you feel exercise and a better diet would keep her longer on this planet by your side? Lead the way by taking her for runs or to the gym and by ordering healthier groceries and cutting down on booze.

Like a little doggy? 

Sex is also good for you. Not sexing could therefore be framed as 'self harm' not taking care of yourself. Is that convincing or indeed, edifying? Perhaps she could "lead the way" by starting off on her own and encouraging him to join in if he feels up to it. And if he doesn't hey, some women don't get vaginal orgasms anyhow.

Hey, is that the solution? Masturbation!!! Independently or parallel. I'm surprised Mz Kinky Boots didn't suggest such herself.

I'm such a reliever of agony.