I've always wanted to excel at something. I though that would include being a nice person, a good person, kind too. Seems I've failed.
I finally have to accept that by the dictates of society, I'm bad. My self image of myself as a middling to good person has to change. It doesn't matter what I feel like. I must take the public vote into account and it seems, I'm the epitome of everything rotten about civilization.
I feel a little irked I must say, not so much because of my previous ambitions more because, I've not developed a badass persona. I wasted my time cultivating goodness, suppressing nastiness, policing myself to be good. I feel horribly wrong-footed.
I wonder if the truly wicked feel as I do, they're just going about their business living the best way they can manage, but through others, the slow dawning realization, they find out, they're bad. What they do, is not good. What do they do?
Memo to self: research the 'superbad' and find out their coping strategies and presentation styles. Do you go with and say, hey nuts to you, I'm really bad, so that's that, sort of superbad acceptance? Or do they masquerade as good-I guess these tend to be those 'charming' psychopath types-being rather cool, they have the psychic energy to fake goodness? Or does one say ghaaaarrrgh, I be a monster, like a pirate?
The last one doesn't appeal, too showy, especially for a women, they'll probably just lock you up and fry your brain. No, for now, I think I'll just be myself and just accept that's superbad.