Thursday, 11 March 2010

Acceptance with a silent F-A-T

Just caught a response to this post.

I'm still mystified as to why people cannot see that this kind of don't "mention the F word" attitude to fat acceptance sums up exactly why fat acceptance exists in the first place.

Although the writer couches her emotional blackmail gently and skillfully, it's just the same old, "I have problems with the word, so should you."

Well actually no.

The point is, when no one has a problem with it, the need for it will fade away all on it's own.

It's OK to talk 'acceptance' look up the word, as long as you are not accepting that made needlessly unacceptable by constructing it as such.

It all boils down to the strange bargaining element that fat people are subjected to, it goes, "if you do x, I'll stop hating you, heck, I might even condescend to give you the time of day, like you even".

Thanks very much.

But did it ever occur to you that the overweening ambition is not to gain your scintillating attentions? Or do you even appreciate how hard fat people have tried up to now to gain the approval of others by succumbing to diet attempts?

No, well if you don't appreciate or acknowledge that, you're not going to do the same with a watered down mealy mouthed version of FA, no matter how much you think you might.

That aversion will remain and it should confronted, not fought shy of to live another day. I can't understand which bit of FA says, I'm here to serve your needs, except ironically the bit that's most troublesome. Yeah, fat people really exist to serve others don't they?

Everyone, including some fat people themselves, needs to get over the idea that we can manipulate people to do our bidding by acquiescing to their every whim no matter how dubious. It's humility turned vainglory, we don't have the power to control others, we might just be able to control ourselves and have a little faith that others will eventually respond to that honesty.

There is something creepy about people who attempt to curry favour because they don't trust you to come round to reason, no matter how powerful the initial reaction may be. There's a difference between trying new approaches and hiding or obfuscating your truth, because you believe neither in yourself or others. If you're not convinced, why should they be?

All of this is how we got here and part of the reason why we are sometimes uniquely disrespected. I'm not trying to blame ourselves, we had the best of intentions, but if we cannot learn this kind of genuflect obeisance hasn't worked by now, then we should throw in the towel right about now.

When I first got involved in FA, I saw it as a movement that was from fat people, to everyone, because I think we all need a rethink on the whole weight debate. I've never seen weight as a barrier to what anyone is saying, I go by whether it speaks to me. I don't get and am not sympathetic to anyone who has problems with someone else because of their weight.

If the message given speaks to you, why allow a three letter word to stand in the way of that?

Why disrespect the motives of those who are bringing the message, if you like what they are saying and it expresses how you feel?

Isn't that connection enough to show you are in sympathy with them, why ask them to make self defeating and pointless gestures that go back on a central part of the message itself?

It's important that having been pushed back into mindless obedience, fat people recover from and reverse that and re-gain a sense autonomy over their experiences, presenting themselves in their own voice. If that chaps your hide, where do you expect the message you are liking to come from?

It doesn't come from a place of feeling apologetic about where it's coming from, it has to be grounded in a strong authentic base. That cannot be furtively looking over one's shoulder for the approval of those who've denied it thus far. I get that "fat" is a problem but that's the point, to take the problem and the shame out of it, by saying it, by embracing it as part of the spectrum of human experience.

So come one come all, participate, or hang back and be inspire. Either way, you must allow yourself, no-one can do that for you.

No comments:

Post a Comment