Thursday, 3 January 2013


Appetite regulation. Food. What a mother eats affects the tastes of the child. Food. You are what you eat. Food. Epigenetics through diet. Food. What you feed your children. Food. What you feed yourself. Food.

Childhood obesity crisis. Food. Obesity crusade. Food. Food Addiction, ha, ha. Food. Fattening up.  FOOD. Fake Food. Real. Food. Toxic. Food. Supersize Me. Food. 5 a-day. Food.

Just. Stop. Eating. Food.

Food, food, food, food, food, food, ........................foooooood.


Dammit. Foooooood.

Once you step back from all this and you really begin to feel the senseless obsessiveness of it all. A base and oddly banal fetishization of food, accompanied by a peculiar absence of restraint, balance or feel for food.

This is of course supposed to be fat people's fixation. The routine 'confessional' -"Yes I am a fat because I'm greedy" mantra means you must confirm that it is indeed you.

As someone who's actually experienced an eating disorder. I assumed nothing could exceed that. But I was wrong because that was involuntary. What I mean by that is, not that I was causing/creating it, but that I was unaware that I was doing it or how.

I was actually caught up in the whirlwind of malfunctioning appetite and hunger signals, as much a witness as a participant. Or should I say those signals were overwrought, as indeed was my whole nervous system.

To the extent that I eventually began to experience symptoms akin to agoraphobia. There has been some discussion about exactly how to define that, so I'll just say, the atmosphere started to feel so intensely pressured, that it was pressing down on me from all directions. Such as I could not stand it and had to rush home.

It also felt like shame-though I was so replete with that-for many reasons, not just fat- it's hard to isolate that with any objectivity. It was like I was exposed, on display, stripped, revealed. I often couldn't complete my errand. Finding out what to do about that was key to eventually unravelling  the eating disorder.

Now as the mists of that are clearing. It's hard to escape the feeling that I just don't give a damn about food, in comparison to the endless overdose of bible thumping style food terror. We have enough to eat, isn't food awful? Or is it us? I really don't know.

Food as; medicine, morality, superiority/inferiority, neurotype, mental health index, intelligence, class, race, sex, gender performance, weapon, emotion, ideology, on and on it goes. At the same time. When you state food is a necessity of existence, there's argument.

The main vehicle for those concerned about 'obesity' is repression, of eating, of food, just like religions used to enforce repression of sex and sexuality. Their idea is that food is just too pleasurable or "hyperpalatable" yet bollocks word (I can't work out work out whether that's more embarrassing than writing "hedonic.") That is the cause of it's SIN.

So that leaves us with an explosion of all about FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD.

Not a coincidence.

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