Wednesday, 8 December 2010

Unhappiness is no shame

You know, I've been feeling a little out of sorts for a few weeks or so, several long and interesting posts have disappeared up the swanee as I've felt unable to decide how to get them down from some absurd length.

People have lives I say to myself.

So I'm thinking to myself, how can I cheer myself up? Okay, that's a little fib see, I don't actually concern myself much with happiness these days and its only just occurred to me that is a bit perverse.

In the past, my feelings of self loathing were such that merely stopping that to the extent I've managed-has left me still, with a sense that I don't fear unhappiness any more. By the way, I cannot recommend stopping hating yourself for raising moral. Too many times people agonise about how to lurve themselves but really, just learn to stop speaking ill of yourself is enough.

When you succeed at that, I say when because if you do practice it, you will succeed, remember your focus is to stop that train, literally repeatedly halt its momentum. You'll be amazed as you feel better in a random and unpredictable way probably.

I'm wary of boredom, being trapped, being unproductive and incapable but unhappiness? No, it seems relatively banal. I respect unhappiness and/or depression, but I refuse to be bullied by it, you know? I mean really I know it is powerful, but who exactly does it think it is?

Strangely enough, I used to be a rather happy person. Although continually chronically depressed actually it was because of it, I had a policy of making my own anti-depressant, that is, a conscious effort to be cheerful. I no longer count myself as particularly so, so I can be more how I feel and its such a relief. Towards the end of it, I began to feel a bit like I was making my own crack! if you know what I mean, that drive made me a bit manic at times.

If all that's a bit upsetting to some who feel that depression is a serious illness I will say that being so wholly unsuited to calorie restriction, yet continuing on that course and experiencing daily failure made making happy seem like a picnic, really. Its effects on me were that bad, in fact there was a lot of overlap between the two.

Anyway, I didn't exactly go on to world domination.

So where am I going with this?

Well, just to say that happiness isn't everything, so if you are not happy right now, don't let it get you down.

Seriously, I'm not (just) punning, allow yourself to feel it if you can't stop it without strain don't tense and get it its way, which may slow it's course just let it flow in and out knowing that you can survive. You have before and you will again.

I don't care how bad it is or how sad you are, you will endure and take it from there.

To borrow a phrase from FA happiness isn't a moral imperative. Never be ashamed of not being happy.

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