There's been a persistent strain in FA of apologizing to our bodies, or to ourselves. For all the hateful trash talk many of us have poured on. No, let's say all of us. Anyone who's accepted they're disease has indulged in hate speak against themselves.
I remember saying FA in part felt like an apologia to the child I was. Not an inner child, but in my memory. The one I unwittingly betrayed, whilst "doing right".
All this can be cathartic in some sense-though I'd say, do it whether it feels that way or not. To find again and keep the faith with yourself, in the face of such a hegemony of vitriolic disapproval, is worth doing.
In a way I pity those who will wait until the tide to fully turns. They'll not have the thought of knowing that they turned first. On their own, because they realized their own value. Through having devalued themselves for so long.
That though they could feel like they sold themselves out. They equally rescued themselves against the current.
And if you're assuming that it's unusual for "doing good" to be the problem you may be forgetting the old axiom "the road to hell is paved with good intentions." Oftentimes, when you're trying to change course from some badness, of habit or ethics. You can waste a lifetime rooting out your sinfulness or moral failings. When often it's the good things you believe in that really nailed you in place.
It tends not to occur to look there.
Even now, I'm still bemused at the sheer extent of impropriety I was prepared to ascribe to my nascent self without question.
I can be very obedient, yes. But there's always been this ticking part of my mind that will question anything. Why did I never think, can I really be this bad? What else backs it up?
I certainly saw flaws along the way with the mainstream diet weight hypothesis. But I promise you, never did it occur 'til well after my weight loss diet burnout crash, that there was anything untoward about the motives behind the diet weight hypothesis. Or that I might be worthy of some kind of case for the defence. Some mitigation or character statements.
If anything I was just bemused at how I could be sinning so badly, with so little effort, let alone intent. At one point in my teens, I actually became worried that I might be some kind of sociopath. How else could I have been trying this hard for this long (already) to so little end? Perhaps there was way more wrong than I assumed.
Nor did I question the lack of supporting evidence. I mean how bad(ass) would I or the average fat person have to be to ignore society's strong views on fatness, disregard what medical professionals, scientists and researchers were saying about being fat?
What everybody of all ages were so united in feeling. How would that not show up elsewhere? How could that possibly not be noted in a general insouciant disregard for rules and conventions?
All this is leading to the fact that a certain slimming outfit have picked up on this device and cheekily used this self apologia to flog the industrial food effluent they package as VCLD virtual starvation. Or like bariatric surgery without the gastric re-tailoring.
And incidentally shitheads, you really do need to stop claiming fat people are so full of blaming others. Do we call fatness a disease? Nope. An eating disorder? Nope. A mental illness? Nope, a "disability"? Nope, an addiction? Well, only some who believe solely in calories in/out.
Anything that's not nailed down.