Monday, 13 July 2009

Get tough on fatties; ((((yawn))))

Through Bilt4Cmft, over at bfb yet another (T/W; fat hate) masterwork of the dieting genre. Good-o. This ones from a "motivational speaker" who previously competed as an athlete. That provokes multiple demands on the body, often requiring a marked adjustment in intake just for the body to stabilise itself.

Then as is often the case, after stopping he encountered what many dieters who also expend lots of energy to no direct effect are familiar with, rebound binging. He was the type that became fat, because his the conservation of his body enabled it, exhaustion can unbalance metabolic function.

The poor lamb became fat and cried ceaselessly. Okay, that last bit is untrue, he was deeply upset with himself in very butch way.

Man oh man, this erudite master of motivation, with only words to inspire I'm assuming people who pay him money to set them to their task, eschewed that and got furious with himself. Absolutely livid in fact. He basically said, you are the scum of the earth and if you don't stop being fat, I'm going to apply clamps to your tender parts until you scream like the filthy....

...No wait, that's something else. Ahem.

His rage made enabled him to lose weight-it's physics- he's still smarting now and is offering you the chance to pay him to grind his personal axe on you, to keep that going. Is that an offer you can refuse, or what? 

Like so many five minute fatties, he mistakenly thinks this gives him deep insight into fatness in general and the longer term fat in particular. Because the adjustment in his own metabolism was so slight, he swallowing crisis "logic" whole thinks that every fat person is one and the same person. 

I guess a tough mind doesn't mean one that functions above the level of a fart. Let's see about his peddling the familiar line that fat people's thinking is fat, fit people's fit. Fit=slim.

That's the first bit of tough thinking, euphemism.

Apparently the great secret is, wait for it; Mental toughness. We fat people all being indulged with endless excuses about why we are fat, even though we know the experts haven't figured it out which is why the endless speculating about emotions, cortisol, fat thinking. Anyway, all this guess work,  mollycoddles us and he's on a mission to cut through the self delusion of thinking we are obligated to give a flying fig about what he or anyone else 'thinks'. 

That I and many fat people have already gotten tough, doesn't register, we've been in permanent angry, contemptuous, rough and blunt with ourselves, I was so furious and could hardly stand myself.

Or thought I couldn't.

Actually, it was this ugly crude manner, though I only found that out sometime afterwards. I'd turned into someone I would have absolutely detested if it was someone else. I was a detestable bully to myself and because of how that made me feel  I utterly despised myself. I had no safety or hiding place from my self hating.

At no point would I ever want to do that to anyone else, I didn't realise that meant that to do it to myself was easily as bad, if not worse. The one person on earth I should have been able to trust, was always abusive.

I didn't set out on this path, it snuck up on me when I was not "letting myself off the hook". I never showed myself any mercy and was as tired and beat up as a corpse. I actually was convinced I had a physical ailment. This lunacy only ended when I burned out. I beat myself up inside because I wouldn't let up.

No wonder I felt at some point, there was no escape no way to placate this rage to corner whatever it was about me that was creating this fatness.

When I was finally stopped, planning to resume the moment my nerves recovered, ended up being the beginning of learning to be gentle with myself. It was undoubtedly one of the toughest things I've ever done.

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