Tuesday, 20 April 2010

Not a comfortable fit

I'm having problems with FA and how I define my take on things in relation to how it does. I get a sense of purpose from describing how I feel, in my own terms through my own perception. Not in responding to those of haters or anti FA's, like a beat up lap dog. I'm finding that's not how others in fat acceptance seem to see it.

I do not find this a comfortable fit. I am not finding the support of like minds I expected, which makes it much harder than I thought it was going to be to just speak the truth to power.
I'm saying you can gain weight, lose weight, but you cannot predictably shift from fat to slim and stay there.

Like it's pure serendipity whether anyone will be "cured" with homeopathy. I can't say it works, because no active mechanism can be found. No ingredient/s isolated to show its function, no statistically significant rate of palliation or cure can be guaranteed.

I cannot say though that receiving a treatment won't ever (appear to) work, due to our body's sometimes unpredictable capacity for self healing.

Is it the homeopathic tincture? Or the co-incidence of spontaneous reversal of your condition? Does the belief in getting better, manifest in the flesh? Does the care attention and interest of the therapist relieve the anxiety of pessimism or hopelessness? What about the empowering nature of self knowledge, that can free up energy to assist in positive things? Who can say more than file under placebo?

Focusing attention on anything changes it by that very attention though not the same as being able to say something works, in any meaningful way.

When I say diet's don't work, I'm saying they cannot as a general rule make fat people thin. It's not a general principle that can be applied. What's remarkable is a heck of a lot of people can barely lose weight at all. Either because they cannot stand dieting or their body seems to adjust unless they reduce their intake, drastically.  That's without considering rebound.

When people crudely invoke the Holocaust to say there were "no fat people in Auschwitz" (apart from being a disgrace) the Holocaust was not a self inflicted famine, it was genocide, not a health farm.

People being starved and worked to death as a means of state inspired mass murder, can hardly serve as a model or point of comparison for an artificially created sub-famine to which the body's survival instincts appear to see little point. Surprising though that may be to some, its hardly inconceivable.

I daresay a different mix of pathways are activated by the nervous system. I know that when I've run out of food, through say lack of funds, there's often a surge in hunger signals. As if your instincts are urging you to greater efforts to overcome the situation.

Only if you cannot, does it abate and start to adapt to less or lack. Your metabolism adjusts and you stop losing-or don't lose weight. I have experienced this. I know few people who've shifted their weight similarly, often through the results of it. Having to walk more or stress can make a difference to some people at some points in their life.

It feels different to when you're trying to impose a this on yourself. It's as if your body isn't taking your efforts seriously. It's like pish, whatever. Even if you're able to grit your teeth and hang in there, on realization of persistence, your reward is an army of your own defences. okay.

There's even more ammo in reserve, if you get further.

A general idea of health or even a more specific wanting to get into smaller clothes, doesn't seem to compute as powerfully as we feel it in our heads. Unless you are wired that way, e.g. some people's defenses against dieting just seem more compromisable.

I'm not a diagnostician. I know that any potential health perils of being human are being talked up as the product of fatness. What others and myself recognise is the air of implausibility. The seeming lack of actual as opposed to estimated dead fat people. The experience of being fat-strangely forgotten as people tell us how we feel- and the knowledge of people who aren't fat and how they seem to have their fair share of health issues.

I can still feel the boredom of hospital visits and listening to health woes. 

What worries me is the potential extent of self fulfilling prophecy. Everyone else has intervened so directly into defining and being fat, as wholly negative, that this for me is part of the reality of being fat. It feels like a constant and invasive surround of demands and suggestions, like persistent mental buzz to control and demoralize, then claim that is your "sickness".

In a way, that makes it matter less how healthy or unhealthy fatness is or isn't intrinsically because too much effort is being made to fulfill that as ideology and that make an obvious target for relief of harm. Associations cannot be said or gainsaid, those interventions have always been there and continue to mount seemingly by the day.

Gastric butchery, which is killing fat people immediately or in it's aftermath. Pills and potions that are an unknown quantity, the yo-yo of dieting that is ruthlessly encouraged and is itself a threat to health.

The deliberate attempt to degrade mental health through stigmatization, which brings with it medication which also can damage organs. The stress of the obesity personae which is an exercise in self loathing, annihilation and betrayal, can take a huge toll on a person encouraging reckless attempts to escape this.

This means being fat cannot be viewed objectively as it is not able to be an objective state who's harms flow from it, rather than society's relationship with it. Fat acceptance is an example of what wears people out first. Not what is supposed to be related to being fat, but the rigourous of the way fat people are treated.

So few if any fat people that can say that they have not partaken in the above. I've yet to meet, or view in the media, any fat person who has not been affected in their behaviour and thinking by this. That isn't the case with any other condition of human existence, that I'm aware of.

For example, I knew of gay people who did not feel the same self hating way expected of them from general society. I've known people who ate "healthy diets" when they were seen as a laughter inducing post hippy type fad.

I knew of people who believed that alternative medicine was better than conventional, when that was hardly heard in the mainstream.  But I have never heard, read, watched or encountered any fat person ever who treats fatness like it is slimness.

Whether it's readily confessing to eating too much, or doing too little. Whether it's about eating the wrong things, a love affair with food. Or something harder to put your finger, but is quite distinct, a sort of fat person mentality that has different attitudes and expectations (in terms of weight), never has anyone deviated.

I'm not even sure I can imagine what that would sound like. It is that absent. Certainly, with the greatest of respect, that is not the fat acceptance I've encountered.

There's no way fat people's health cannot honestly be assessed without these interventions being taken into account. I'm not interested in any so called right to be fat. I am fat, I don't need a right to be fat, my metabolism can be prohibited even less than alcohol.

I do not require a right for my blood to circulate, my heart to beat, or my lungs to take in and exhale air. People ask, what if you're wrong? Meaning, what if obesity is bad for you. Again, why ask me? Why not ask the medical and science establishment? What if they are right about fatness and wrong about WLD. Basically that would be curtains, for fat people.

If so, what are they doing to prevent this apart from deliberately making worse things they could change? Like encouraging others to stigmatize and disseminating slanderous half truths and innuendos about fat people? Why aren't these questions if this truly is a death inducing situation?

Since when does a deadly disease occur without anything about what remedies are being researched to see this off?

I wish more questions were asked of those who claim to believe things their actions and attitudes do not support and sometimes actively undermine

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