Thursday, 7 April 2011

Our credibility

Talking (see comments) of credibility for some reason the focus is wholly on fat people's supposed lack of it, even we in FA tend to view it from this end. Why?

We have credibility, it just doesn't feel like we do.

Even those who haven't dieted cannot help but be immersed-to some degree- in that atmosphere of self disbelief. That is the source of our lack.

FA is in part about restoring things like this for ourselves and not just waiting for haters to bestow it on us (heck no).

First off what is credibility?

1. capable of being believed; believable: a credible statement.
2.worthy of belief or confidence; trustworthy: a credible witness.
Ask yourself do you and your experiences merit the above definitions? There's no point in referring to fat phobia on this, not because I disagree with it but because that position currently cannot accommodate our truth in any way that doesn't parrot their fantasy of what a fat person is. 

The truth is we all exist in credibility, until something impinges on it, like a stream that flows freely unless its path is blocked.

If nothing interrupts this process we are at one with what we are doing and what is actually happening to us being the truth.

So we are credible, we just don't feel it emotionally. That is where our memories of the denial of ourselves really sits.

The interruption is the constant disbelief of the obesity construct, necessary to its existence as is and our acceptance of that disbelief as the truth. This not only interrupts our own, it replaces it. That doesn't stop the truth at all, it just causes our to be internally suppressed with falsehood doing the suppressing.

In order to recover from this, we need to remove those blocks imprinted in our brain and nervous system, allow the truth squashed and flattened underneath the lies to rise to its fullness.

That is not easy, it's pretty unprecedented to have such a direct experience of clear truth flattened under such blatant lies, the obvious parallel is being mentally unbalanced, when people think their fantasy is truth.

That is what we have been put through other people's fantasies imposed upon us and we need to understand that. We need to get a sense of our amazing resilience in remaining (relatively!) stable under this kind of duress, many of us since early childhood onwards.

When it suits, take a break and just connect with a sense of all you have done to fit society's model, all you have accepted-in the past- all you have acted upon, all the results, the ups, the downs, from as early as you want to through even to battling with trolls on the internet etc., if you want and just let that flow swiftly through your mind, calmly as you can.

For now, don't go too deep or upset yourself, keep the distance you need and jump over anything or stop and recover if it gets a bit much. You can come back to it. 

Allow yourself to think and if it comes feel, this is what I've done, this happened I know it. Even if that seems odd, just stick with it to connect your mental understanding with that sweep of memory.

It doesn't matter if you don't feel anything at all emotionally, the point is just to go there in whatever capacity you can. As you repeat this, or of course, your way of connecting your emotional mind/brain with your memories and your conscious mind.

At some point your emotions will catch up (more) with what you know mentally, consciously.

Indeed, that is one of the great purposes of the conscious mind, to enable you to figure out what you can't always feel now, so that you can change or correct from the past and don't become a complete prisoner.

I'm sure the experience of FA is doing this, but it's just a suggestion of helping it along. Of respecting what you've been through and taking care of yourself.

It's important to stay relaxed and keep it light, be guided by how you feel. As you repeat this and/or develop your own rituals of connection, your experience will become more whole again.

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