Friday, 18 September 2009

The difficulty of not being a troll

The fat chat feed's spitting up a whole lot of the fat nutritionists posts at the moment.

I think I saw this on her blog, or I just read it and didn't bother with the comments.

I did this time and after all that, it might explain in part why I couldn't quite manage to have a conversation about the intrinsic painfulness (or lack) of weight loss.

If I'd known, maybe I wouldn't have bothered at the time or at all. I think she saw me in the category of those commenter's. I think I realised then, that's how you're seen, I'd heard it before, but didn't take it seriously. But now I realise that just seems to be belligerence rather than commitment.

It along with other things have convinced me reluctantly that the discussions that revolve around fat, are not something I tend to slot into in a way that tends to be productive for either side.

I can't wholly blame or exempt myself, ditto others, it's just the way it is.

When I first got involved with the let's face it, US fatosphere, I had high hopes. To change the world, to cure cancer.....nah, I'm fibbing.

My overriding 'ambition' was to have a conversation about fat that had some fluency of mutual understanding. And to be part of a societal intervention in the form of personifying the elision marked 'fat people'. They can't keep on with this obese shit if we are just being too human at them.

My hubris has undone me, and I find that I set the bar too high on both counts.

So what's the plan now?

Oh I'm the wo-man with the plan.

To just find out what I think, to keep reading the 'sphere and in regard to other people's spaces, learn to keep my comments to myself.

I can't believe how hard the latter is.

I feel like I'm really primed to contribute, I never was before, so I was in a different state of mind. I was also not a joiner as I always found fundamental differences, whether I wanted to or not.

So, when I persuaded myself to overcome this reluctance, it didn't occur to me that I'd need practise or that I would need to withdraw, it feels strange to do this whilst still feeling a sense of commitment.

Anyhow, this post has not turned out to go the way it should have gone, so I'll end it here.

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