Sunday, 24 May 2009

Jumping Jack Flat

ADHD etc, Is this when the activity of the mind i.e. thinking, cannot easily be separated from the urge to move? I'm wondering because I seem to have a bit of this at times. When my thinking gets going at times I just cannot sit down, I've got to walk around.

And the other way around, when I walk I can find my thinking at times becoming transcendent. It's odd because I spent so long thinking of myself as lazy.

In the end it turned out that I was more exhaustion with the negative way I'd become used to seeing myself that I was disinclined towards activity. This created an aura of aversion towards moving anticipatory feelings that it would be unpleasant and when I got through that I'd be engulfed by a sense of despair and hopelessness.

I'd built up systemic tension from my mind that I think spread to my body along the nervous system, to the point where repeatedly release over a period of years, began to change my mental as well as physical function.

It's then I became more aware of how much I can struggle to separate the activity of thought from that of the body and vice versa. It seemed to reveal it more.

I don't claim to have a deep understanding of hyperactivity, but I do know that as I felt more frustrated, suppressed angry and boxed in, I developed an "ants in the pants" syndrome and when my clumsiness got slapped down one too many times, I became demoralised enough to stop expressing myself physically as the mood took me.

I have always regretted letting go that way......

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